Past Scars
by Manderz101
Summary: Anita is plagued by visions she cannot explain. She had her whole life ahead of her and figured out or so she thought. After her eighteenth birthday her entire world as she knew it turned upside down. With her sanity deteriorating , a new doctor offers solutions to her problems. However, all is not what it seems and these visions of her may actually be warnings.


There are many times where I find myself laying down wide awake at night regretting my many life's poor decisions. These thoughts, words, and actions I so wish I could undo, I so wish someone could understand what possibly could've gone wrong for I cannot seem to make sense of it. This mental institution that I find myself locked in for the past four months, three weeks, and five days has offered me little to no help and at times I think the doctors believe I'm beyond help as well. I like to believe I'm still sane that these visions I've been experiencing since my eighteenth birthday are fake, make believe, and possibly my mind playing tricks on me. I ask for no sympathy and I make no demands all I could wish for is to go back in time, when it seemed I had it all figured out, my life was on track I was to be attending college soon. I was to expand my education in art instead of doodling on notebook paper. My poems would be published my artwork would be adored by all, but all of it is a waste a distant memory of what could have been as I find myself rotting away in this seven foot by ten foot room.

The light from the moon seeps through my windows casting and eerie glow on the wall which is covered in every inch with my drawings due to my boredom and simply finding ways to pass the time. All I have is time in this place time to reflect time to dwell on things I wish that could remain hidden. The disarray of my room is equal to my appearance as I have completely given up on giving a damn. Grey sweatpants and an olive-green t-shirt are my usual attire while my messy auburn hair gets thrown in a bun. With no one to impress and no visitors to look forward to, I truly began realizing the friends and family I thought I had where nothing more than a figment of my imagination as well.

A loud banging could be heard on my door which startled me for a second and this immediately made me check my watch to realize it was eleven at night.

"Room search please report to the common room." Said the one of the late-night staff.

Although room searches were common to make sure people didn't smuggle in drugs, weapons, or simply stuff they shouldn't be having it was rather odd for it to be happening this late at night. I let out deep breath and slightly irritated, because for I moment felt I was about to drift off to sleep and now this. The bright light from the hallway blinds my eyes for a second before I could now see I wasn't the only one who was pissed off as well. I took a seat on one of the hard rubber chairs next to Liz who've I'm grown quite close with since my arrival four months ago. She was nineteen years old just like me which brought some comfort and common ground having someone my age to talk to. Fair skinned she was with freckles that covered most of her cheeks along with green eyes that I secretly envied. Though my eyes were grey, mine didn't stand out and attract numerous compliments as much as hers did.

"Any clue what's going on?" I asked as I slightly leaned over to whisper in her ear.

"Not sure I'm assuming they are trying to catch us off guard with a random search."

"It's utter bullshit. I never realized how much I had taken for granted the privacy my parents gave me back at home. Yet again they weren't hardly ever home to snoop into my business." I muttered to myself under my breath.

I began to bite at my fingernails and as much as it was a disgusting habit, it brought some calmness to my nerves as I watched with anticipation of what contraband the staff would find. Part of me wished I was on drugs for addiction was an easy fix compared to the deranged brain I inherited. I've gone back n forth whether nurture versus nature was the culprit to my demise. Many ideas of how this downfall came about but nothing concrete or substantial that I could think of. I was at a loss once again as I remained seated in silence among the others that gathered around in the common room.

Thirty minutes had gone by and at this point I was half awake half asleep while slouched on this uncomfortable rubber chair when we were notified, we could return to our rooms for the remainder of the night. All this commotion for the staff to find nothing worth mentioning. This took precious time away from my pillow, yet it offered some relief as it delayed the onset of nightmares that would soon take place the moment, I closed my eyes. Werewolves, vampires, and scary creatures alike plagued my dreams. It was if they were real despite how times I was told they were not by the doctors in this hospital. Snuggling under the covers I could no longer fight the exhaustion that overcame me. Tomorrow was a new day and I so looked forward to it even if it was always the same.

The sun was up and its light as usual blinded me as soon as I had awoken. The hospital seemed to not believe in curtains or blinders as it was a way of protecting those with suicidal tendencies. I would be one of those folks for it eventually was what landed me here in the first place. A warm honey bun and carton of chocolate milk was what was on the menu this morning as one of the staff served it to me while still in my bed.

"How are we doing this morning?" Stephanie inquired.

Of all the staff, Stephanie had to be one of my favorites. She was always pleasant, never once had I seen her in a bad mood the four months I've been here. Her wavy blonde hair was always braided, she wore these bright colored scrubs all the time that matched her bubbly personality. It was as if she could see the beauty in everything, she even miraculously saw the beauty in me with my always gloom and doom attitude.

"Just another day in paradise. Will you even miss me when and if I ever do leave this place?"

This caused her to chuckle before she went to take a seat at the edge of my bed.

"Anita you will leave this place and of course I'll miss you. Just promise me when you do leave that you won't be returning anytime soon. There is a big, wild, open world out there just waiting for you outside these walls." Said Stephanie

"I agree with the wild part." I laughed as I heard one of patients start shouting down the hallway outside my room.

"It seems Lauren is at it again. I'll leave you to your breakfast and oh... before I forget you will be seeing a new doctor some time today. I haven't met himself myself yet, but I have heard nothing but good things about him."

My eyebrows raised questionably at her as I scarfed down the honey bun in a matter of seconds. Stephanie got up from my bed and went to walk towards the door to see herself out. Just as she did, she turned around to toss me another honey bun she must smuggled from the kitchen before coming to my room.

"Behave yourself, will you? He is new and please be easy on him." Warned Stephanie as she was half way out the door.

"I don't know what you are talking about." I giggled playfully just before she left the room.

Breakfast was delicious simple honey buns never got old, but the next thing to do that was part of my daily routine was to wait in line for my meds. The commercials you see on television portray these people happy and living their lives to the fullest ever since they started taking these heavy drugs was all a scam. Truth is the drugs they administered to me enhanced my anxieties deepen my depression and distorted my sense of reality even more. I feel at times more messed up than before I even got here, I wonder if this is their definition of normal? It's the same scenario I walk to the window and I'm face to face with the same nurse who looks as thrilled as I'm at being here. She hands me a small cup like what you'd put ketchup in and small paper cup of water while she watches me swallow the pills. After this I'm further instructed to open my mouth wide open and stick out my tongue to make sure I actually swallowed them before I'm excused.

Due to lack of sleep I didn't feel like socializing much, my feet drag along tile flooring as I let a loud yawn. I returned to my sanctuary, my prison, my room whatever word felt suitable at that moment in time to call it. A heaviness could be felt weighing down upon me as I curled up once more under the thin cotton sheets my body was ready to rest once more. As soon as I became comfortable, I could hear a knock on my door which startled me some.

"Come in."

The door creaks open and a sudden wave of déjà vu hits me. It felt as if my heart stopped beating in that moment in time. An uneasiness crept inside my gut; my thoughts became frantic I somehow someway knew this man but didn't know from where. The man before me who appeared to be in his early forties had a unique gothic style from what I could gather. Hair the color of the darkest shade of night that was pulled back in a ponytail and had small pieces of hair frame the outside of his face. From his pants to his dress coat was all the color of black except for his eyes which were pools of a deep dark blue that I found myself getting lost in. The single gold earing in one ear I found rather odd but more strikingly was the ring I could see on his index finger. My attention immediately went over to the drawing on the wall next to my desk. A dream I had from the night before of an insignia of dragon and I felt so compelled after I immediately woke up to draw what I had seen. Everything within was telling me of the importance to remember this image and at the time it made no sense to me. Every inch of the detail on his ring mirrored the one drawing of mine perhaps it was the drugs kicking in this was so unreal so impossible it was too much to comprehend at that moment in time.

"You must be Anita...I've heard so much about you I'm Dr. Dracul."

He extended his hand towards me, but something overcame me I felt frozen in place on my bed to where I just looked at his hand and then back at him. He must have sensed my hesitation that he withdrew his hand before taking a seat on the wooden chair across from my bed. Even his voice sounded familiar though he an accent I quite couldn't point out from where he might be originally from. Regardless his voice reminded me of a hot knife cutting through butter as his accent was smooth and rich, it was really appeasing to my ears. Resting on his lap he had a clip board and vanilla folder which I could only assume was descriptive file on how fucked up I was. My hopes that this doctor could help me were slim to none the only thing I felt certain of was I enjoyed the view before me for he was not that bad looking for a doctor.

"It appears Dr. Spencer has become quite ill and I shall be taking over until she is fit to resume her duties. I've combed through your file extensively and I believe I might be able to help you feel better."

He appeared to be overconfident in his ability to fix me. I couldn't help but let out a soft chuckle and roll my eyes just before I folded my arms across my chest.

"You doubt me Anita, don't you?" he questioned as he looked up from his clip board.

"All due respect but you are the sixth doctor I've seen since the beginning of my stay here. They all believed they could cure me so I quite curious on how your approach will be any different?"

He rewarded me with a smile that displayed his perfect white teeth. My boldness seemed to amuse him somewhat but also it seemed he was no stranger to people doubting his abilities. Perhaps Stephanie had warned him about me for he did mention he had heard so much about me as soon as he introduced himself.

"If you are willing to try then so am I. I can't imagine a young woman like yourself would want to be confined to small quarters such as this the rest of her life. I'm confident I can help you all I need is for you to have confidence in yourself that you can overcome this as well."

"There is a big difference between confidence and acceptance. My hope of ever leaving this place has been depleted, but my visions are constant they plan to stay. These drugs mess with my mind I'm far from being fine. I've accepted this fate I simply cannot erase."

"Quite the poet I see." He chuckled as he jotted down some notes in his notebook.

"You know I always see doctors write down things in their notebook while they are talking to me. I often wonder what horrid thoughts they may have of me and what kind of person they think I might be." I muttered to myself but loud enough for him to hear.

"Always so negative, aren't we? How come?"

Deep down I wished I wasn't like this. I honestly couldn't remember the last time I was happy, content, or satisfied as a matter of fact. A Debby downer I was for sure one who was so overly fixated on all the negative that was happening in my life versus the positive. It was a state of mind I found hard to undo for it was all I had ever known.

"Unfortunately, my outlook on life lately has been bleak. I must say I don't know why you doctors do what you do. I honestly couldn't stand to listen day in and day out to the thoughts of a deranged lunatic. You've earned my respect and my sympathies that is for sure."

I could feel myself getting all anxious again that I found I was rambling on and on to this complete stranger I just met. My only logic in this was I saw such familiarity within him it caused to me come out of my shell somewhat.

"I guess you could say I get some satisfaction out of helping others. It's a rewarding experience to know you've made an impact on someone's life. Now enough chat about me and why I do what I do. Tell me about these remarkable drawings of yours."

I watched him stand up from the chair and place his note pad and clip board on the chair. He began to casually walk over to my desk when it seemed the picture of the dragon, I drew caught his attention.

"I must say I think this one is my favorite. You mind if I take it down from here to look at it more closely?" he asked.

"Um... sure." I mumbled.

His eyes seemed to widen as he scanned over every inch of detail of the dragon that was drawn on notebook paper. A smirk crept upon his face as he looked from paper up at me. It perturbed me somewhat by way he looked at me as if he knew something I didn't.

"My last name means dragon in Romanian, I'm sure you've been wondering this entire time where my accent comes from. Strangely enough this drawing of yours matches the dragon on my ring." He professed just before he went to show me the ring on his finger.

"If you read my file like you proclaimed earlier then, you would know I experience visions on daily basis."

Taking a seat once more back on the wooden chair with my picture still in his possession he began jotting more notes down. My thoughts were going a mile a minute it was driving me nuts on why he looked so familiar to me as I watched him continue to write. I knew of no one from Romanian or anyone from Europe for that matter. All my family lived in the states as far as I knew, mostly in the state I lived in which was Pennsylvania. It seemed it was far from just a coincidence for me to draw a dragon and then for some stranger to show up with the same dragon on his ring. Lost in my thoughts and my attention else where I jumped while still seated on my bed as I heard him cough to get my attention.

"Anita are you ok? You seem sidetracked."

"I'm sorry... it's the medicine I'm on. It tends to make me... sleepy." I stuttered.

"No need to apologize my dear. Today was simply an introduction, but we shall pick up where we left off tomorrow."

Getting up from his seat he went to place the picture of mine on my desk. Turning around he went to try for a second time at shaking my hand however this time I let him. I was quick to take my hand back being that his hand was ice cold to the touch plus the way he kept looking at me was enough make an awkward even more weird. Gathering up his things he proceeded to exit towards the door to let himself out.

"Doctor Dracul can I ask you something?" This caused him to stop in tracks before he slowly turned around to make eye contact with me once more.

"Of course."

"You seem awfully familiar. I can't help but feel I know you somehow."

His expression was blank and hard to read but I could tell he was contemplating his response.

"And strangely enough you have a ring that matches the dragon in my picture. I can't get the thought out of my head that you were somehow in one of my visions and..."

"Anita...Anita you should rest." He interjected.

"Rest your mind for tomorrow I have some exercises I wish to test out. I need you to be rested and alert for tomorrow's session." He said before exiting my room and closing the door quietly behind him.

Utterly and completely stumped as to what just happened my mind felt rattled at that point. I knew it was going to bug me until I got to the bottom of where his and I's paths may have crossed at one point. I glanced up at the clock in my room while I remained on my bed. It went tick tock with every second that went past and it was every second that went past that my mind anxiously waited for tomorrow to be here already.


End file.
